Feb 20, 2010

The Shred - Day 3

Ouch. Owie.

Typing hurts. I told you I'd write about my torture sessions workouts. I'm beginning to hate Jillian Michaels..."TV's toughest trainer"...she happily calls herself.

Yeah? Well, I have some words for you, but they're not very nice.

Psycho Jillian starts you off really easy...windmills and such with your arms. Easy, right?? No, it's NOT! It friggen hurts when you've done more exercise in the last two days than you have in the last two years!

After the windmills and a few other warm ups - we get into about 5000 reps of jumping jacks, skipping, and kicking yourself in the ass. No lies....you literally run in place and kick yourself in the ass.

The great thing to know is that I no longer "leak". I learned that when I get up first thing in the morning and pee, and then try to get every last drop out of my bladder, I can do this without wetting myself. Yay me.

After you've done enough jumping in place to ensure a nice long fully body perma-jiggle, Psycho Jillian makes you get down and do push ups. My terrible wimpy arms aren't really meant for doing much more than lifting a soda can to my lips, not hoisting my body off of the floor for too many times to count. I'm so sore...so sore, I can't even explain it. But, I couldn't do the push ups today. I think I did 3, stopped and cried for a bit and did a few more to no feel so pathetic.

Sit ups, lunges (oh...the horrific pain of those damn lunges) and lateral lifts...that I even know these words hurt. Hubby laughs...but wasn't willing to come and do the workout with me.

Speaking of exercise partners - my kids thought that it would be fun to work out with mom. They've done a few videos with me. I have a yoga one (it's under a fine layer of dust right now) and a pilates one that I never did again after I attempted that bloody "100s" move (if you don't know what I'm talking about, Google "100s pilates" and you'll see why I banished that video). The kids have always enjoyed pretending to work out. I've enjoyed it to, because it's a riot.

This time, however, it was a different story. They started all excited. My little man starts doing jumping jacks at lighting speed. "Save your energy" I tell him. He laughs. "This is easy" daughter says. I laugh.

Keep in mind, this torture workout is only 20 minutes long. Not quite half way through it, my little man says "We've been doing this for hours!!!" Meanwhile, my daughter is busy grunting and doing her best not to look like she's struggling. I, however, am ignoring all this as a tirade of words that should never be spoken in front of children is going through my head. Curses that would make a tucker blush interspersed with "stop!", "please" and, "oh my god, I'm going to die!"

My little man gave up and went to sit with daddy. My daughter, however, held strong and stayed with me to the very end. I shakily make my way upstairs to get a yogurt and some water. I'm sweaty, I'm sticky and all I can think of is "I wish I had a hot tub".

But I don't.

Psycho Trainer Jillian says at some point through her torment session workout, "those of you on days 5-7, are probably seeing a real increase in your stamina" I'm wondering if those people are still alive.

And I'm just on her "level 1"...I'm more than a little terrified to see what levels 2 and 3 are about.


Tina said...

LOL Heather I can barely type as I am laughing so hard. I do not feel the need to work out because I have a perma jiggle reading your blogs! You go girl!!! Love you!

Chantilly said...

Oh HEATHER, you have made ME leak now. That is the funniest thing I have read. I am going to start my Jillian Michael's tonight. You have inspired me.
I will keep you posted.

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