May 15, 2010

Fatty Fat

My brother in law calls me that.  I don't think I'm fat -- and I don't think he thinks I am.  It sounds mean and cruel -- but that's just the way we are with each other.  If some random dude walked up to me on the street and called me that, I'd be livid.  But Sam, he can say it and we just laugh.

However,  I'm beginning to feel a little fatty fat.  Yes folks, after all that working on that stupid Shred DVD, after all the sweat, tears, pee and swears, I'm finding all my fat again.  I blame it on the stress of my schooling.  I've started my diploma courses and not only is it much harder than I thought (you have to research every single thing you want to say with evidence so that the teacher knows you're not just blowing wind out of your ass -- in other words, I'm screwed!) -- but the course itself deals with things that I don't want to face; things like sexual abuse and helping screwed up families stay together even when my gut says to take the kids to some safe place and send the parents off to the firing squad.

See -- I read things like that and then I feel bad.  So I eat a cookie, or I add an extra spoon of sugar in my cup of tea.  Why?  You tell me, I have no friggen idea!!

I can also blame it on my wickedly awesome daycare mom who bought me (for no good reason, I might add) a sony eReader.  This thing is amazing.  I currently house 36 books in that little baby.  I can cart it around all over the place.  However, lately I've been hauling it all the way to my backyard -- then sitting on my bulging bottom and reading while my chosen children run around the backyard like mindless hooligans burning calories like crazy.  I'm sure that I somehow absorb them.

Either way, I'm sorely disappointed in myself. I worked hard (click here to read the 30 day shred post that gets the most hits becuase it's apparently uproariously funny).  I worked SO hard to get the results that I got.  I felt good, not just becuase I'd lost a few inches, but because I did something for me, 100% for me and didn't give up.  I felt healthy - something I hadn't felt in a while.  I see myself sliding back down that slope of chronic lazy-itus that I seem to suffer from and I'm scared.

Then I got to thinking -- the average woman in America (and Canada) is a 14.  I think that the manufacturers of clothing companies realized that woman are really freaked out by such a "big" number.  All my life...all my adult life I was a size 10-12.  I wasn't embarrassed about it, it's the size I was.  Last time I went to buy a pair of jeans, do you know what size I bought?? A 5.  f-i-v-e.  How is that possible?  I have hips -- big ones.  Hips that my doctors told me are "birthing hips" (ie, they are big enough to house big healthy babies!) -- there is no way on God's green earth that I could get a size 5 pant over my hips.  NEVER.  So what's up?  I think they're messing with the sizes.  A size 10 is no longer what a size 10 used to be.

Why are we so obsessed with it all?  Marilyn Monroe, was one of the sexiest woman in American history -- she was a size 16.  That's what made her curvy and gorgeous.  She didn't need to implant anything -- they were real -- she was round and voluptuous and beautiful.  Look at this picture...back then, that was Me-ow, she'd be considered fat.  How sad is that?


Carolyn Newton said...

I still think that you are the most beautiful person I know... and stress from school DOES add weight. You won't even realize it.

Get Moe to haul the treadmill outside! Then you can read in the back yard with the kids... but be on the treadmill! (And let me know if you're doing that so I can get Mom to take pictures... because frankly that would be funny!!!)

Eye on the prize girl... your last bout of the 30 day shred made a HUGE difference!!! So, get through this school course, then once it's done, go do the 30 day again. Do some yoga and meditation in the am... but I have NO suggestions for the hard school stuff... because I'd be in the same boat!

Ella Jean said...

I think you are beautiful, and you should be proud of what you and your body has done! Plus your going to take belly dancing (which is fun and healthy), and in truth belly dancers arn't tiny little things, they are curvy and voluptuous!!
We need to embrace our curves! Yeah us for being women!! :D

Meaghan said...

Hee hee I love Carolyn's idea :) Take pictures please!!

But honestly, I think you nailed it - it's not necessarily about embracing this "tolerance" for overweight and obesity, but rather appreciating the beauty of a woman's shape. I wouldn't mind having all my clothes tailor-made so that I never need know what "number" I am, as long as I feel good and look hawt ;) It's about taking care of yourself and respecting where the body settles happily. I still dye my hair, but you have helped me to embrace my pancake boobies and twin skin in a way that makes me want to hang on to them as much as my kids that brought them here :)

Hethr said...

Awe! Thanks guys -- way to make a woman feel good!

Wouldn't life be grand if you didn't have to work hard to stay fit/healthy? I'd like to lay around on a beach all day and do nothing but read and listen to the water lapping at the shore. *sigh*

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