So I've written many times about my struggle with keeping my teen on a straight path. He's a tough cookie, and stubborn (don't know where he gets that from)...but deep down, he's a good kid.
Then it came. Freedom. I'm not going to get into the details but suffice it to say, I lived through them myself at his age.
This is what's sad though. All my life with him, I have touted again and again the importance of getting your education. "Don't be a drop out like me!" are words that I've said thousands upon thousands of times.
Yet, day after day, I get reports of him failing to show up at school. I've talked to the teachers, I've talked to the counselors...and at this point they're saying "he has to make the decision."
I get that -- I really do. But the problem is that he won't make a good decision. He will make the huge, epic, failure of a decision that I made at his age.
We've had a touch and go relationship since the last blow up when he left home -- and facebook was my way of keeping tabs on him. Today I made the mistake of commenting on his status which was something like "F****ing kids..all talk, talk, talk, with nothing to back it up. F***** faggots" (or something to that effect. Yeah...proud moment for this mama. So I let him know it. I responded with "Wow. A drop out and now a bully....boy am I proud. :("
He removed me from his friends list.
I know it's pathetic, but I was really hoping that we'd be able to reconnect. We'd have some serendipitous moment of togetherness where we'd sing and dance together and flowers would rain down on us as God smiled on our reunited and happy family.
I know it wasn't likely to happen. But good God...I raised him better than that! I did not raise him to be a racist, I did not condone his rude and belligerent behaviour. This is not the child that I raised!!
It really hit me today -- reading that lovely little status of his. I used to see people on the news; people who'd been harmed by someone shouting at the offender's family "What did you do to him? Why is he this way?" And I'd judge. I'd sit there in the comfort of my TV with the remote in my hot little hand, and I'd judge those families. She must never have held him. They must never have told him they loved him. I bet they were never even around and he was left to fend for himself.
Well -- now it's time to be judged. I am the mother of a delinquent. Oh -- he may not have done anything illegal (yet) and he may never...but he is a delinquent all the same. Disrespectful, rude and ignorant -- and completely opposite of the child that I raised.
Where did I go wrong?
5 days ago