Dec 12, 2010

Hello, I'm the pile of dust under the fridge.

I had an epiphany this weekend...has that ever happened to you?  The stars align,  the angels sing and you suddenly realize the errors of your way and make that all encompassing decision to change your life's course.  Yeah...that happened to me this weekend.

I wrote my exam - but that wasn't what caused any change.  I talked with a great friend on the trip there and back (it's a 2 hour drive to the school) and we covered a lot of topics and came to a decision on a great name for a group to help motivate us to find our inner skinny person. Though this will eventually cause a change in us, it still wasn't the thing that I'm talking about.

No, the big change happened when I decided to clean under my fridge.  I hate doing this - it's disgusting and I know that if I did it more often, it wouldn't be so disgusting, but the facts are, I'm lazy and so once or twice a year is about as much as this job gets done.

So, I pulled out my fridge and find the usual nasties that are under there, some dust bunnies, a few lost cheerios, a magnet -- I swept them up, mopped really quickly and pushed the fridge back.  I looked at my freshly cleaned fridge (free of fingerprints for a precious few moments) set in against my newly cleaned kitchen cupboards...then I saw that pile of dust and dirt and filth combined with a few dust bunnies and stale cereal - and I thought to myself "why do you treat yourself like the underbelly of your fridge?" and I just started to sob.

Why do I do that?  Why do I put everyone else's needs before my own?  I ensure that my family is taken care of, as well as the needs of my friends, my daycare kids, my extended family, my school work...oh the list goes on and on...and all the while, I'm like the underbelly of my fridge collecting dust and debris and continuing to carry out my duties.

So, after crying over dust bunnies, I've decided that I need to get back to taking care of myself.  Why do I allow myself to go all day without eating only to stuff my face with crap?  Why don't I exercise any more?  Why don't I take the time to renew my spirit and soul?  Things are gonna be changing around here - they need to, because if they don't, I'm going to meltdown...and the truth is that I can't truly help anyone until I start helping myself.

7 comments:

Erin said...

Love this post! It speaks to me on a lot of levels....isn't there a saying "If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" Poor English aside, I think it rings true.

FlyBabySHE said...

So what's the name of the group? I wanna join!!!

I do know exactly what you mean, though...so many of us do it. We run around day after day, cooking, cleaning, attending to the needs of family, friends, and whoever else comes along without taking serious time to look after ourselves. Eventually, the well runs dry, and everyone around us looks astonished when we melt down (at least my family sure does!)

Anonymous said...

Yep, that's me. Still not taking great care of myself, still wandering through life with eyes open and nobody home. I need to change my entire self, and I'm not even sure where to start.

Hethr said...

Hmm...Cori, I never put the link to the group...I shall do right now!

Sue said...

Before I married and I had the idea to possibly spend 6 months in NY on a farm I was scared to talk to Brad about it. When I finally got up the courage to say I wanted to go, he looked at me and said, "okay. What do we have to do to make this happen?" I had his support 100%. That moment made me realize what was truly important in life. ME! Sounds selfish, but it's true. As women we lose ourselves in what we think we need to do for others.

Even though we are smart, educated, strong and amazing women, we seem to get lost in our own expectations of what others need. When what they really need is partners & parents that stay true to themselves. We must lead by example. We must lead our children to have confidence, to care for their health, to follow their dreams and to believe in themselves. Whether our houses are clean, our cars are fancy, our "stuff" is plentiful - isn't what matters!

Sue

Hethr said...

Ah, my lovely Sue...as always...so wise! It's very true though. I think that people see selfishness as a bad thing, when it's really selfishness to an EXTREME that's bad. Everyone should concentrate on taking care of themselves!

C said...

I'm glad to see you having an aha moment. I can't relate because I'm the opposite of you..I go out and do my thing and never really bother with dust bunnies! How can you even move your fridge by yourself? I could never move that monster. I did hear that some people put their fridges on rollers though. Lord only knows what's under my fridge!

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