A Post about Nothing.

Yup, this post is a bit like a Seinfeld episode - about nothing, yet everyone can relate (at least, I hope you can, otherwise, I'm really far gone!)

First, I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts - my excuses before were that I was so busy with all the school work, reading and researching that I didn't have time to blog; now it's all about...well...empty excuses.

It's not as if I have anything else to do.  You see, I've been avoiding my Shred workouts that I was oh-so-excited about less than 2 weeks ago.  Not a single one done since that first post.  Don't get me wrong, I think about doing it a lot, but just have zero motivation for it.

It's not as if the kids aren't inspiration enough for me.  You see, after being not-the-best provider for the last 2 1/2 months (letting them just play freely while I read/researched and occasionally giving up on that and getting down to build a tower or play with dolls) - now I'm in Super Provider Overdrive.  Yup, so far this week we have baked a cake, made a super-secret gift for moms/dads, made a funky gift bag to put the super-secret gift into, created a wall of snowflakes (that I got the pleasure of cutting to each child's direction -- and I have the blister to prove it), making another stick snowflake (sounds horrible, but is cute), decorating ginger bread houses, making the old time Elephant Popcorn (anyone remember that?) and ... uh.... oh yeah, I still have fudge and cookies on my list-o-things to do.  I have read stories until I've lost my voice (and unknowingly, gave my sweet little chosen child nightmares about wolves who eat children.  Thanks a lot Red Riding Hood!)

Also, I have booked in a last minute "Spa-Care" day (a daycare day full of spa treatments...facials, mani/pedis and pajamas.)  So, I have more boys than girls -- they'll enjoy it just as much as the girls!

No, instead I spend my evenings in front of my computer in a complete brain fog mindlessly clicking links that take me to some of the strangest things that I've ever seen...and they all involve vaginae (yes, that's the correct spelling, all this time I've been saying "vaginas" but apparently that's wrong.  Who knew?)  Sorry to those of you who are vagina-phobes....it's not my fault...I read a link, find it interesting click on it and can't look away.  It's not porn (don't worry about that) -- but it is odd and leaves you thinking, "What the hell is wrong with the world??"

Back to the Shred

So, I just finished writing about the big epiphany that I'd had. I'm starting with exercise.  I felt good when I was exercising...I felt better about myself, my body, my abilities...my confidence was better - I just felt good.  Then, for some reason I stopped.  I couldn't tell you why, but I did.  But, I need to get back to it.  I'm tired of seeing myself in my head as I think I am, only to look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at me.  I'm tired of being tired, out of breath, and lazy.

So, today I did the first day of The Shred.  It was as tough as I rememered it.  And I certainly wasn't foolish enough to think that I could jump back into level 3 again, but I did think that I'd be able to make it through level one.  I was wrong.
I also forgot that I basically pee my pants when I have to do 50 000 jumping jacks.  No amount of kegals has been able to stop this....and how I could forget, I'll never know, but I did. 

Last time, I inspired a few of you to begin doing this with me.  So, if any of my lovely readers want's to join in again, I'm going to let you know what I did as well as what I didn't (cause I don't want you all thinking I'm an iron woman here or anything!)

In Level One, she starts you off with the warm up - which is relatively easy.  Did it all.
Then you have to do the jumping jacks/skip rope deal.  I did NOT make it through all of this. I have no endurance.
Push ups.  I have ZERO upper body strength.  I think I managed to do 6 of them.  Woot.
Lunges - I couldn't get through the second round of this.
Sit ups...I did.  I cried, but I did them.
Butt kicks/boxing -- I did this too and I imagine that I'm punchin Jillian with every strike.  I hope she doesn't mind.

Hmmm...it would seem that i've blocked the rest from my mind.  What i do know is that I literally cried.  Then made my wobbly way up 16 stairs to my shower.  But I'm not going to give up...I plan on doing 3 days of The Shred followed by one day of her Yoga Meltdown (and if you think Yoga is easy, you won't after you try this!)  After the month is through, I  may move up to her newest Shred video, have you heard of it?  My girlfriend gives it rave reviews - says she has found muscles that she didn't know she even had (and her calves are looking HAWT!)...I'm planning on buying it...and here's the link in case you want to check it out (just to the right there).

Hello, I'm the pile of dust under the fridge.

I had an epiphany this weekend...has that ever happened to you?  The stars align,  the angels sing and you suddenly realize the errors of your way and make that all encompassing decision to change your life's course.  Yeah...that happened to me this weekend.

I wrote my exam - but that wasn't what caused any change.  I talked with a great friend on the trip there and back (it's a 2 hour drive to the school) and we covered a lot of topics and came to a decision on a great name for a group to help motivate us to find our inner skinny person. Though this will eventually cause a change in us, it still wasn't the thing that I'm talking about.

No, the big change happened when I decided to clean under my fridge.  I hate doing this - it's disgusting and I know that if I did it more often, it wouldn't be so disgusting, but the facts are, I'm lazy and so once or twice a year is about as much as this job gets done.

So, I pulled out my fridge and find the usual nasties that are under there, some dust bunnies, a few lost cheerios, a magnet -- I swept them up, mopped really quickly and pushed the fridge back.  I looked at my freshly cleaned fridge (free of fingerprints for a precious few moments) set in against my newly cleaned kitchen cupboards...then I saw that pile of dust and dirt and filth combined with a few dust bunnies and stale cereal - and I thought to myself "why do you treat yourself like the underbelly of your fridge?" and I just started to sob.

Why do I do that?  Why do I put everyone else's needs before my own?  I ensure that my family is taken care of, as well as the needs of my friends, my daycare kids, my extended family, my school work...oh the list goes on and on...and all the while, I'm like the underbelly of my fridge collecting dust and debris and continuing to carry out my duties.

So, after crying over dust bunnies, I've decided that I need to get back to taking care of myself.  Why do I allow myself to go all day without eating only to stuff my face with crap?  Why don't I exercise any more?  Why don't I take the time to renew my spirit and soul?  Things are gonna be changing around here - they need to, because if they don't, I'm going to meltdown...and the truth is that I can't truly help anyone until I start helping myself.

what the heck are you guys thinking & more unhappy moms

I know I can come up with some weird stuff, but the things that people Google and manage to come to my blog are really interesting.  It makes me wonder what they were really searching for, or why Google's ability to find the relevant information brings them to my blog.

Here's a few of the best:

1. Green Eyed Jealousy monster creates doom
2. sick dentist
3. stop sending your kids to my house
4. random things I did
5. Life with a woman is unhappy except for a few moments of joy

I particularly like the last one!

I wonder what they think when they find me.

But by far, the most Googled phrases that bring readers to my blog have to do with Unhappy Moms.  I wrote about this before, and due to overwhelming response, felt that it needed a second and even a third post.  So, I'm writing this now in hopes that those of us who have gone or are going through those struggles that our babies/toddlers/children/teens/grown children give us, to give some hope to those who are in the midst of what can seem impossible to get through. I'll start here, and you, my dear readers, can add yours in the comments box or on the fanpage if you wish.

My kids make me:
...want to scream sometimes - like yesterday when my toddler dumped my hot chocolate all over my keyboard and homework.
...want to give up, like the time that he dumped the can of paint all over my floor.
...want to leave, like through the many, many struggles with the teen.
...want to lock myself in a castle far, far away when I can't even get a moment to myself and my husband sits there and magically can't hear anything that's going on (and is apparently invisible to my kids, because they never seem to need him for anything!)

Raising kids is hard...and the truth is, we learn as we go.  We are in the middle of growing and developing our own systems and organizations when BAM, this kid comes along and throws a wrench into all your plans...life changes forever, and sometimes it can be really, really daunting.  But there's hope and there's help.  Sometimes just knowing that other people are struggling too is enough to get me through the day.

Oh, and Sue, since I know you're going to comment on how I'm supposed to write fluffy happy stories about the cherub babies and happy mothers pushing their buggies down parkways untainted by cigarette butts and/or beggars....you can easily find it someplace else.  Being a mom rocks - and when your little bundle finally arrives, I think you're going to be an AWESOME mom, but I wouldn't be a friend if I didn't prepare you for less than rainbows and butterflies every day.

For Today...

My friend Magz, does these amazingly deep and thoughtful postings out of nothing.  They are titled "For Today" and they always have some touch of whimsical wisdom that I can never seem to achieve.  So -- I'm doing the "For Today" series, the Delusional Mom way.  Something to keep in mind though - it's Monday, it's been very much a Monday so far. My son woke up, came to snuggle with me, promptly said, "My tummy doesn't feel good." then proceeded to vomit all over me.  Twice. My chosen toddler gave me the play by play the whole time.  It was....nice....

Anyhow -- onto my list:

For today...

Outside my window .... freedom, fresh air, and cold wind.

I am thankful for...the laundry that I did this weekend, it came in useful after being puked on twice in the space of 3 hours.

I am also thankful for...perfume, which I hope is doing a decent job of covering the lingering stench of vomit that I won't be able to wash off until Husband comes home.

I am thinking....why me?

I am creating...a supper miracle out of nothing but noodles, mayonnaise and inspiration.  Pray for me.

I am celebrating....that the last vomit session was in the toilet and not on me.

From the kitchen....come the scents of lunches that have been abandoned in favor of watching my toddler yack.

I am wearing...the third shirt of the day...and a sweater that I'm convinced got puke on it, but I can't find any evidence of.  All other sweaters are dirty.  My trusty jeans haven't let me down (or been puked on yet) and a pair of slippers from a fabulous instructor.

I am reading....nothing I want to.  Working with Families, Family Ties That Bind & Administering for Quality.  Jealous yet?  What I'd like to be reading....ANYTHING ELSE.

I am hoping...that I am able to recall of the necessary information for my exam on Saturday.  First step - to figure out what class it's for...second step - study.

I am hearing...the squeak of my office chair and the snoring of a child with a stuffed up nose.

I am going....crazy.

Around the house and yard...everything's pretty much done - except for the laundry from today's puke fest.

One of my favourite things...my little guy's hugs.  My other two are "too big" for these things now.

Plans for the rest of the week...Survive.

The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Blogging

Awesome shirt you can buy!

Blogging is a special thing.  In my case, the blog started as a means for me to vent my frustrations as a mom, wife and childcare provider.  I was sick of looking on the net and finding all the fluff and roses and singing angels when it came to motherhood -- I wanted to express the truth which is decidedly less "Disneyfied" than a Google search would let you know.  I have learned a teeny tiny bit in the blogging world - not much, but enough to give a little advice.  I have learned that there are some very good parts of blogging, some nagging bad and some very, very ugly.


The Good
Writing a blog is both a way to express your creative self and a method of feeding some small narcissistic part of you that you didn't even know existed until you get that first comment.  That narcissistic self then gets greedy and wants more and more (this sounds like it should be in the bad, huh?) - your friends read it and make a comment or two - but then....whammo you're hit with your first I-have-no-idea-who-the-heck-you-are comment...you're scared, elated, nervous and proud all at the same time.  It's....odd.  Generally, these first few comments are from people who agree with what you are blogging and life goes on wonderfully...your followers and fan base grow ever so slightly.

The Bad
In your excitement, you tell your family about it.  This was my mistake.  You see, remember up there where I said that my blog was going to tell the non-Disney version of mommy-hood??  Yeah...I whine and complain write about a lot of things on here.  My mom, my husband, my kids...they all have special little posts about them.
Here's the problem though...I may say "Wow, my blog is really getting noticed, it's great!" and my mom (being oh-so-proud of the child prodigy that she gave birth to) goes and reads a post where I complain about something that she's done.  I feel guilty.  I mean, I love my mom...I care about her and her feelings and this hinders me from writing other negative posts about her.  I'm torn between complaining about something insignificant writing a great blog post and fluffing it up with Unicorn farts and Fairy dust so that I don't hurt her feelings (or those of anyone else that I may write about).
Negative comments also go in The Bad category.  When you get that first negative comment that says something like "you're wrong, you silly stupid head, motherhood is always pleasant and wonderful and this blog and your ideas are the work of Satan!" -- well, that kinda puts a downer on my day.

The Ugly
The Ugly category is basically the same thing as The Bad - but to a higher extreme.  These are the people who follow my blog that make nonsensical comments, have horrible spelling and/or grammar and otherwise tick me off.  Normally, I'd tell these people that they need to read a book of basic English grammar (or in some cases, Etiquette 101)...but then I worry -- am I going to be making fun of someone who has English as a Second Language or has special needs?  I don't want to do that (intentionally that is).
There are also followers of my blog that I'd kill  to use as fodder for the blog write about.  I'm not going to go into details (mostly because they'll then know who they are) but there are certain people in my life who, in one way or another, irritate me.  I'll be in the middle of a conversation with them and think "This would be an EPIC blog post." But then....if I post about it and say what I'm really thinking (rather than the nodding and smiling that I'm doing at the time) they'll know.  This, in and of itself, could cause major chaos in my extended family and friendship circles.  It's a daily struggle for me.  To write, or not to write is not the question; but more "to risk anarchy, hostility and contempt...that is the question"
Another bit of Ugly is the Nasty comments -- this goes beyond the negative ones that tell me what a poopy head I am to calling me horrible names and basically leaving me to feel like I am a useless slug in need of a giant salt shaker to make a long, painful end of my life.  Yeah.  Those are the Nasty comments.

In the end - I'm still going to blog - whether I have just one follower or thousands.  I find it very therapeutic to write (and you folks would not believe the number of blog posts that I have left unpublished...it's kinda terrifying actually).  Just letting you Nasty Commenters know that you won't stop me!

hethr

~Donation Plea~

Here's another shameless plea for donations...with a little extra info detailing what it's all about...

Thanks to everyone who has already made a donation!

My Shining Star

The school that my kids go to is quite diverse.  There are Christians, Muslims, Sikhs, and Buddhists....and I'm sure I've left some out.  There are different colored children running about, from the dark almost purple skinned Somalis to the milky white of the Caucasians.  It's beautiful to see them all intermingling and having fun.  I wouldn't want my children any other place.

With all the different faiths, the school has gone from having Christmas Concerts to having "Winter Celebration" (no, I'm not going to go into the political correctness of this) -- it's usually a concert in which every class has 2 (or more) songs to sing, one is a standard Christmas carol, and the other is some sort of religious/ethnic/cultural song from somewhere in the world (my two favorites from last year were "Mother Earth" a First Nations song, and I think the other was called "Lighted Lanterns" and it was a Chinese song...very, very cool).  Anyhow -- this year they are incorporating a bit of a play into the concert...it's called "America Celebrates" -- which is interesting in that it show cases the main holidays celebrated in America -- even though we're in Canada....but....well...whatever.

So -- my daughter got the lead role!  Woot woot!  She plays a bossy, know-it-all/leader of the pack...which is so ironically funny because that is a perfect description of her personality.   Anyhow, this character goes about organizing a food drive and teaching all her pals about the different celebrations (Hanukkah, Kwanzaa, Christmas and even Eid)...it's pretty neat practicing her lines with her.  Her character's comments look like this:

     EMILY:  (sarcasm) yeah, we already knew that. (ordering) So, Johny, you carry 
                   these bags while we go about collecting.

It's like the role was written for her.  I'm having a blast rehearsing with her and can't wait to see the play!

Oh...wait...the play is on the last day of my exams.  I'm going to miss her acting debut.  Who's gonna come video it for me so that I can watch it later??

daycarisms

We haven't had any Daycarisms in a while - these children are such a rich source of humor and delight, I need to keep better track of what they say! Anyhoo - onto the daycarisms that I've experienced lately.

Child: Did you brush your teeth today?
Me: Yes, why?
Child: Cause your breath is nasty. It smells like my mom's coffee cup.
Me: Uh....thanks for letting me know.

Me: Hey, Isaac, would you get out the Uncle Ben's for me?  I want to make supper.
Toddler: Yeah! Uncle Ben is coming for supper!!!

My toddler has been the most "interesting" lately.  He's certainly developing an attitude -- don't know where he'd get that from.  Apparently he doesn't like to be told what to do:
Me: Adam, can you come pick up the Lego?
Adam:  Shhhh!
Me:  Hey...I asked you to come pick this up...
Adam: *furrows his brows* Hush!!
Me: Excuse me?  Come over here and help to clean this up.
Adam: *exasperated sigh accompanied by an eye roll* Fine, whatever.

After giving away a couch set that we were using in my main daycare room to a loving and deserving family, the kids come in on the following Monday and I get this:
School-ager: Well...you gonna fill it up with toys?
Preschooler:  It's like a giant surprise of nothing!!
Toddler: Why mommy? Why it all gone, mommy Hedr?

But the best of the week was this:
Preschooler:  Hey, Heather...got anything stronger than this milk?