Sep 13, 2010

I wanna give up

I had a rough day -- it was hard.  It was a really, really, bad mom day.

It kinda went like this:
  • wake up before I'm really ready to, but get up and face the world anyway.
  • do 2 loads of laundry, make 3 lunches, and prepare my daycare before the clock strikes 7.
  • wake up my children.  One doesn't want to get up and I end up arguing with him.  I feel bad for doing so.
  • get my chosen child ready for school; dressed, fed, washed up.
  • attempt to wake my own child again, this time with threats.  I feel worse.
  • send children off to school, I'm angry and feel bad for being angry.  What if it's the last time I see them and I"m angry?  I feel even worse.
  • Toddler is up and being a toddler.  Chosen child toddler arrives and is also being a toddler.
  • The two toddlers fight about everything.
  • They kick each other, they pull each other's hair, they scream, they push, they knock over.  I lose my patience and shout.  I feel bad.
  • Repeat the above scenario in your head until you're ready to pull out all your hair.
  • I send the kids for nap and allow myself to sit here and cry rather than study.  Now, I feel guilty for giving in to tears (I'm not a crying type of gal).  Homework is left untouched.
  • The boys wake up from their naps with just slightly smaller horns than they went down with.  I'm an emotional mess.
  • My kids get home from school - and I warn them that I'm very grumpy - which makes me feel even worse because they're my kids and I shouldn't make them feel like they need to walk on egg shells.
  • The chosen children go home and my mood doesn't change.

I need an emotional outlet but cannot find one.  

This is the reason that so many women are unhappy mothers!!  Everyone thinks they have to be happy go lucky all the time.  Reality is, sometimes, being a mom SUCKS.  I love my kids to death, but I really, really, REALLY need a "me" day.

That is all.

12 comments:

Meaghan said...

I has a sad too!! I have been so overwhelmed lately and just trying to keep m head above water with a big shining face on. I hear ya!! I love it all and never want to trade, but sometimes I just want to kick my guiltridden self to the curb!

Lorie said...

I really think this is going around! Though I had knee surgery and have been on pain meds since Friday, I broke down and cried in a meeting today for no reason at all! Then I felt bad for crying and I couldn't stop crying. While I am at home my daughter is trying to be nice and asks me what is wrong and I yelled at her! Can't we all have some universal time when everything stops except us and we get to do and eat whatever we want? We all know we moms don't really get a day off. We all know that dad or significant other can't really take care of things without calling, texting or have a list in order to take care of things. UGH!! I know I probably just made things worse. I just wanted you to know that you are not alone!!

Sara said...

One thing I try to do (and tell my kids) is to learn from it. Yeah, it sucked being cranky all day, but think about how (it may have) affected not just the kids, but YOU!!! And learn from it. I'm always telling my kids to learn from it..... And think about that (!@$%#@) song by Miley Cirus, Life's What You Make It. 'Cuz it is..... (((hugs)))

C said...

Asalaamu Alaikum

Maybe a little delegation would help but I think you like to do things yourself? But then it stresses you out right? For myself I don't care who does something or how they do it as long as it gets done. So my kids make their own lunches for example (stop gasping!). Its not even hard for them and they feel in charge of what they get to eat and you know it won't be wasted either. Dh and I both do laundry. If I did everything myself I would have jumped off a bridge a long time ago. When dh comes home why don't you head to the library to do your homework? Its peaceful, its you time (sort of) and you'll get your homework done. Just my 2 cents.

Erin said...

If there's a Mom out there that says she hasn't felt like this, then I'd call her a liar ( yup, harsh words). Being home can be so stressful, especially when it's where you work too.
Hugs, hope today is better.

EdaMommy said...

***Hugs!!***

NanLT said...

You need a sanity break. I agree with what C is saying up there.

When your DH gets home, or on the weekend, leave him with the kids and get some time for yourself for a couple hours.

Whether you study at the library, go for a walk, or do what I do and have a hot chocolate break, you need that time for your self.

You get the surrounded by kids double time between your own and those you care for each day. A sanity break will do wonders for you.

Amena said...

Leave them with your hubby and go for a pedicure and facial.

Jessica said...

This, my friends, is the root of depression in me and a lot of other moms. I've felt all those thoughts and yelled and hollered and stormed around like some kind of lunatic and felt guilty about it all. Some therapy and medication and I'm getting better. Talk to your hubbies, talk to your friends, talk to ANYONE.

And in your spare time (hahahaha!) read the book "Breaking the Good Mom Myth" by Alison Schafer.

Hethr said...

Jessica -- It's also the reason that I blog about these things, too many times we think we have to be perfect, happy, smiling mothers who bake cookies and want to have sex at the end of the day. WE'RE NOT! It's okay to be bitchy. It's okay to whine. It's okay to have a bad day. IT'S NORMAL!!!

OH -- and that book, it's on my "to read as soon as school's done" list!

Anonymous said...

i wanna make your day.. ;)

Anonymous said...

so here goes!have two kids father split when they were young but because of the person i am i helped him back in their lives which has turned in to a compete nightmare! anyways struggled to raise em have a great husband now and its such a shame that i wait for the same thing to happen even though hes been here for close to 10 years! here recently i dont know what happened but i just felt the need to leave them which i didnt i left for some time but came back home later i was pretty close to the next state. i have worked or had a job of some sort since i was very young and thats not a big deal i dont think but it is a big deal when i decided to leave my job and kids and husband! its like wow what are you thinking! anyways ive been outta work mostly cause of my insurance but its made things real hard around here. what do you do when the medicines dont work! im alone here and just dont know what to do the anger is progressin i go to the doc soon been hospitilized but i love my children so much but these thoughts dont seem to leave they are gettin worse so i feel all that you say it just seem like i cant get the help i need when i need it after trying several diffrent things now how do i just deal and go on is the real question!

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