A Post about Nothing.

Yup, this post is a bit like a Seinfeld episode - about nothing, yet everyone can relate (at least, I hope you can, otherwise, I'm really far gone!)

First, I'd like to apologize for the lack of posts - my excuses before were that I was so busy with all the school work, reading and researching that I didn't have time to blog; now it's all about...well...empty excuses.

It's not as if I have anything else to do.  You see, I've been avoiding my Shred workouts that I was oh-so-excited about less than 2 weeks ago.  Not a single one done since that first post.  Don't get me wrong, I think about doing it a lot, but just have zero motivation for it.

It's not as if the kids aren't inspiration enough for me.  You see, after being not-the-best provider for the last 2 1/2 months (letting them just play freely while I read/researched and occasionally giving up on that and getting down to build a tower or play with dolls) - now I'm in Super Provider Overdrive.  Yup, so far this week we have baked a cake, made a super-secret gift for moms/dads, made a funky gift bag to put the super-secret gift into, created a wall of snowflakes (that I got the pleasure of cutting to each child's direction -- and I have the blister to prove it), making another stick snowflake (sounds horrible, but is cute), decorating ginger bread houses, making the old time Elephant Popcorn (anyone remember that?) and ... uh.... oh yeah, I still have fudge and cookies on my list-o-things to do.  I have read stories until I've lost my voice (and unknowingly, gave my sweet little chosen child nightmares about wolves who eat children.  Thanks a lot Red Riding Hood!)

Also, I have booked in a last minute "Spa-Care" day (a daycare day full of spa treatments...facials, mani/pedis and pajamas.)  So, I have more boys than girls -- they'll enjoy it just as much as the girls!

No, instead I spend my evenings in front of my computer in a complete brain fog mindlessly clicking links that take me to some of the strangest things that I've ever seen...and they all involve vaginae (yes, that's the correct spelling, all this time I've been saying "vaginas" but apparently that's wrong.  Who knew?)  Sorry to those of you who are vagina-phobes....it's not my fault...I read a link, find it interesting click on it and can't look away.  It's not porn (don't worry about that) -- but it is odd and leaves you thinking, "What the hell is wrong with the world??"

Back to the Shred

So, I just finished writing about the big epiphany that I'd had. I'm starting with exercise.  I felt good when I was exercising...I felt better about myself, my body, my abilities...my confidence was better - I just felt good.  Then, for some reason I stopped.  I couldn't tell you why, but I did.  But, I need to get back to it.  I'm tired of seeing myself in my head as I think I am, only to look in the mirror and see a stranger staring back at me.  I'm tired of being tired, out of breath, and lazy.

So, today I did the first day of The Shred.  It was as tough as I rememered it.  And I certainly wasn't foolish enough to think that I could jump back into level 3 again, but I did think that I'd be able to make it through level one.  I was wrong.
I also forgot that I basically pee my pants when I have to do 50 000 jumping jacks.  No amount of kegals has been able to stop this....and how I could forget, I'll never know, but I did. 

Last time, I inspired a few of you to begin doing this with me.  So, if any of my lovely readers want's to join in again, I'm going to let you know what I did as well as what I didn't (cause I don't want you all thinking I'm an iron woman here or anything!)

In Level One, she starts you off with the warm up - which is relatively easy.  Did it all.
Then you have to do the jumping jacks/skip rope deal.  I did NOT make it through all of this. I have no endurance.
Push ups.  I have ZERO upper body strength.  I think I managed to do 6 of them.  Woot.
Lunges - I couldn't get through the second round of this.
Sit ups...I did.  I cried, but I did them.
Butt kicks/boxing -- I did this too and I imagine that I'm punchin Jillian with every strike.  I hope she doesn't mind.

Hmmm...it would seem that i've blocked the rest from my mind.  What i do know is that I literally cried.  Then made my wobbly way up 16 stairs to my shower.  But I'm not going to give up...I plan on doing 3 days of The Shred followed by one day of her Yoga Meltdown (and if you think Yoga is easy, you won't after you try this!)  After the month is through, I  may move up to her newest Shred video, have you heard of it?  My girlfriend gives it rave reviews - says she has found muscles that she didn't know she even had (and her calves are looking HAWT!)...I'm planning on buying it...and here's the link in case you want to check it out (just to the right there).

Hello, I'm the pile of dust under the fridge.

I had an epiphany this weekend...has that ever happened to you?  The stars align,  the angels sing and you suddenly realize the errors of your way and make that all encompassing decision to change your life's course.  Yeah...that happened to me this weekend.

I wrote my exam - but that wasn't what caused any change.  I talked with a great friend on the trip there and back (it's a 2 hour drive to the school) and we covered a lot of topics and came to a decision on a great name for a group to help motivate us to find our inner skinny person. Though this will eventually cause a change in us, it still wasn't the thing that I'm talking about.

No, the big change happened when I decided to clean under my fridge.  I hate doing this - it's disgusting and I know that if I did it more often, it wouldn't be so disgusting, but the facts are, I'm lazy and so once or twice a year is about as much as this job gets done.

So, I pulled out my fridge and find the usual nasties that are under there, some dust bunnies, a few lost cheerios, a magnet -- I swept them up, mopped really quickly and pushed the fridge back.  I looked at my freshly cleaned fridge (free of fingerprints for a precious few moments) set in against my newly cleaned kitchen cupboards...then I saw that pile of dust and dirt and filth combined with a few dust bunnies and stale cereal - and I thought to myself "why do you treat yourself like the underbelly of your fridge?" and I just started to sob.

Why do I do that?  Why do I put everyone else's needs before my own?  I ensure that my family is taken care of, as well as the needs of my friends, my daycare kids, my extended family, my school work...oh the list goes on and on...and all the while, I'm like the underbelly of my fridge collecting dust and debris and continuing to carry out my duties.

So, after crying over dust bunnies, I've decided that I need to get back to taking care of myself.  Why do I allow myself to go all day without eating only to stuff my face with crap?  Why don't I exercise any more?  Why don't I take the time to renew my spirit and soul?  Things are gonna be changing around here - they need to, because if they don't, I'm going to meltdown...and the truth is that I can't truly help anyone until I start helping myself.