Sometimes, I have days like this...

poor psycho kitty.  I have sympathy for you.

Please do NOT try this at home!

So, let's just say that you're getting your supper ready (it's a crock pot meal today).

Let's just say that the recipe calls for browning your beef in onions & garlic before adding it to the crock.

Let's just say that before you put your pan onto the burner, you took it out and placed it on the counter where someone had taken the little plastic bread tag off the bag and left it on the counter.

Let's just say that by some strange act of God, the bread tag managed to stick (unbeknown to me) to the bottom of the pan.

Let's just say that I then stick the pan on the stove top and turn on the burner.  I fry up my onions and add my meet and think "wow...that smells funky."

Let's just say that I shrugged that off and turned to wash the breakfast dishes while the meat was browning.

Let's just say that the fire alarm goes off.

Let's just say that the fire alarm going off automatically sends a message to my security company (it was APX, but is now called Vivint).

This is all that's left of the bread tag.

Let's just say that the kids freak out and the baby (who'd just been put down for a nap) wakes up screaming.

Let's just say that Vivint automatically sends out a text message to me and Mr. Delusional when emergencies like this happen.

Let's just say that Mr. Delusional is driving to some far out store to be a relief manager there today.

Let's just say that he's freaked out too.

Let's just say that Vivint's two-way voice comes on to check on the "health and safety of the residents" - and it takes some convincing to get them to call of the fire and other emergency vehicles that were automatically sent out.

Yeah...don't try this at home, peeps!

Spring Break

Spring Break is coming.  Just 4 more sleeps.  Grandma has promised to take my lovely, sweet, innocent children.  All three of them.  She offered to do it for the whole week.  We'll see how long that lasts.

Now, I'm going to pretend that grandma doesn't read this blog and just write what I need to say.  So, Grandma - Close your eyes, exit the page, or just fain innocence when you see my lovely offspring.

They are fighting.  My daughter is very much a girl and fights with venomous words spat out in anger, while my son is very much a boy and uses his fists.  I'm not happy with either - but also realize that they are siblings, and as such, they will fight.  Meanwhile, Adam screams and whines and cries to get his way.  All in all, I'm running on that last little thread that's holding me together with sanity...and they're bringing scissors.

So, in an act of desperation, I called my mom for help.  She says "Tell them that Grandma says that they can't come if they don't behave -- put a star on the calendar so that I know...."

Well - this is all well and good, but they don't seem to give a rat's behind.  But -- I'm so close to digging burial plots in the back yard that I'm willing to lie to my lovely mother in order to have a little bit of peace in my life.  I'm THAT stressed.  Right now, I feel like a failure as a mom.