Therapy Sessions

When I write, it is for therapeutic purposes, though it may be interesting, funny, or offending - the main reason behind me picking up a pen plunking away at my key board is to get whatever's bothering me out.  I need to have an outlet, and this is my chosen outlet.

So, first thing's first: If you don't like it, why do you bother to read it?

Second - With the exception of Mr. Delusional and my children, I don't ever name names.  Period.

I'm going to write about something that's been bugging me a lot lately.  No names, No descriptors as to who each individual may be.  But I need to get this off of my chest.

Everyone has a few branches on their family tree that they'd like to prune....not that there's anything wrong with those people, perhaps it's just a clash of personalities.  Whatever it is, I'm sure you can relate.

I have a family member who likes to make "mountains out of molehills" -- In an effort to save my sanity, I have very limited contact with her - I simply don't have the time and patience to constantly sooth her trivial needs.

I have a family member who I would consider to be on the extreme end of the religious spectrum.  I also limit my time with her - saves arguments from happening.

I have another family member who has had a sketchy past, I'll not go into details, but let's just say that she burned the bridge that connected her to me (or was it me who struck that match?).  So be it.

However, now this family member is at a point in her life where there is a lot of good coming her way. I think that's great.  Other family members are happy for her.  I think that's great too.

So what's the problem??  For the life of me, I cannot be happy for her.  I just feel as if there's this dark, looming presence on the horizon....I'm waiting for that other shoe to drop.

My head, my schooling, and some family members tell me that I need to give her another chance....but in my heart, I just can't.  And I can't even explain it more than that.  I just can't.

So why is this a big deal?  Because now, when I visit our mutual family, I have to put on a facade of caring....so I no longer visit.  I'm not comfortable listening to them talk and rave about how wonderful everything is - inside I'm screaming "Did you all forget what she's done?"  You see, I have this fatal personality flaw - it's called vengeance.  I rarely forgive, and I never, never, ever forget. 

I simply can't bring myself to do it.  They can be happy for her for me.  I hope and pray that the changes in her life stay this time, but I still want nothing to do with her.  I'm sorry that that hurts you, but I absolutely refuse to apologize for the way that I feel.

They called me stubborn, so be it, I am.  I call it protecting my family, without her around I know that they are safe.

:(