Agony

Friends, I'm in pain...a lot of pain. In fact, I would say that pain is not the word for what I feel.  This is like the pangs of labor, that moment of no return when you're about to give birth where you hear the nurse say "I'm sorry, there's no time for pain meds...now push, sweetie."

Yeah - I have that pain -- but in my face.  The whole right side of my face feels like it's gone into some sort of strange face-labor that I will never fully understand.  I feel like it should be swollen...as if I've let George Foreman take a few shots at me -- but no - to my recollection, I haven't been in any boxing matches lately.

Instead -- I'm suffering from my own teeth.  Oh, I brush (and floss) regularly.  I eat (fairly) healthy and I make sure to take care of myself - but my body has betrayed me.  These stupid wisdom teeth of mine (yes, I get the irony) are out to get me.  You see, normal people's teeth grow up and out of their jaws at normal angles.  My teeth, however have chosen to do their own thing and grow perpendicular to all the rest.  Don't remember what perpendicular is??  I'll put a picture -- courtesy of studiodentaire.com

Yup...that's pretty much what my wisdom teeth look like.  And yes...it's as painful as it looks too.  I didn't know I suffered from this issue until about 4 years ago.  The dentist gave me an x-ray and said "Wow! That's a mean pair of teeth!"  I was blissfully unaware.  We set up an operation date -- yes, you read that right -- these babies are so impacted that I can't simply go to the dentist and have them pulled, it requires that I be knocked out, under anesthetic, closer to death than I've ever been...I'm thrilled.  But...my husband and I prepared to pay out the big $$ to do it -- then...I found out that I was pregnant. That put off the surgery for 2 years -- the nearly full year of pregnancy, and the full year of weaning that followed.  Then...fear set in. I ignore my dentist's calls.  I haven't seen her since the baby was about 6 months old.  I'm a fraidy-cat!

But the cold, hard, painful reality is hitting me now.  I need to get these things taken care of.  But when? How?  I was told I need 4-5 days recovery.  How am I gonna pull that off when I have 2 major assignments due every week in school?  What about my kids?  What about my chosen children??  Please -- can't this wait until after I'm done this semester???

Am I the only chicken out there?

I'm going to MEXICO baby!!

You may or may not remember a while back me whining and complaining because a friend of mine got to go on this amazing Mexico Practicum Tour that my school arranges.  She ended up writing her own blog about the experience and now --- da da da DA -- I GET TO GO!!!

Thing is that I have to fundraise for it -- it's not that big of a deal, and I've already got a couple of things on the go, BUT -- I thought that I would put this little donate button here for anyone who would like to help these places out.

The trip includes visits to many different non-profit groups, including: Waldorf and Montessori programs, special needs settings, an orphanage, community agencies, and preschool and school aged programs.  Please consider donating!  Thanks everyone!

Puke and TV and Grumpies, oh my!

My kid is sick....again.  Can you guess which one?  It's probably no surprise -- Sir Pukes-A-Lot himself.

Yup. Puked at school in the morning, "forgot" to tell the teacher that he did, so sat the rest of the day in a dizzy, fevered haze until he came home.  I took one look at him and knew he wasn't right.  Why couldn't the teacher see that?

Anyhow--he's home today -- and watching TV.  We don't normally have the TV on during the day...I let the kids play, sometimes participate, sometimes sit back and watch...it's a play by ear thing (no pun intended).

But today, Mr. Sicky is watching TV...and a channel that's between the preschool themed things and the pre-teen stuff. It's a little disappointing.  And distracting.  And yes...annoying.  And for the record - Imagination Movers has cool, funky songs.  Just wish that I could enjoy looking at any of the characters on the show.  I know, I know, we're not supposed to discriminate and teach our kids about beauty and such...but man... I could use a little motivation to watch is all I'm sayin!

On to the grumps -- my toddler (no surprise again) has got a serious case of the grumps today.  Don't touch my ___, Don't talk to me, etc.  He even got mad because my little daycare girl was rocking her baby.  He sat there and screamed over and over, "Stop it, stop it, stop it!"

Yay.

2 more days until the weekend.  I think I can make it.

Common courtesy rant

So yesterday we were out shopping and wondering (and avoiding things we don't want to do here at home like yard work and laundry)...the kids had fun, I wore some heels (and yes, I regretted it) and in general it was a nice time.

Then...we decided to stop for something to eat.  We went into this place (I believe it was called Fat Burger, but can't recall) -- order our stuff and sit and wait for it to come.  The restaurant was set up very much like a 50's diner.  We were sitting in a booth.  The family in the booth directly behind mine had this sweet little boy about the same age as my Adam.

As we're waiting for our food -- sweet little boy starts hanging over the booth onto our side -- just kind of tottering there like a see-saw in mid balance.  Was it annoying?  Yes, but it wasn't a big deal.  I've most certainly seen and dealt with worse.

However - when mom gave the kid a cookie and he proceeded to eat his cookie next to my ear, smear his soggy cookie on the back of my head and drop bits of it onto my seat - I lost all "understandability" with this family.

Who lets their kid do that?  If no one was there, go for it (although it would still be nasty and rude, it wouldn't be nearly so much) -- why wouldn't you discipline your child?  I'm not asking her to pull him down and spank him, I was at the very least, expecting to hear then say "Johnny, my sweet little angel direct from heaven, would you please stop bothering the nasty woman over there?" to which I would have said "Oh, he's not bothering me that much" and we would chortle and smile, like nice Canadians and get on with our supper.

But no - neither mom nor dad said a word.  I waited for it -- I gave them many chances, in fact, I gave them more than enough chances to deal with the cherub, but they did nothing.

So I did.

I turned around - and said in a fairly stern voice simply said, "Sit down" -- and he did.  And parents said not a word -- as if neither I nor the child even existed, they just continued chatting amongst themselves.

Seriously?  What is with people lately?  I won't allow my child to do something like that!  I teach them to respect their elders, and everyone else...whether it's preventing them from hanging off the sides of the shopping cart so no one can pass, or simply holding open a door for someone, it's something that I feel is my duty to instill in my child.

Am I wrong?  Am I the only person in the world who has any common sense any more??

It's not as if my children are deprived -- I'll happily let them hang of the shopping cart, or run down the mall -- if it's not busy and no one else is around!!  Really -- they can have fun and be children, but I do expect them to also be decent human beings and that includes having respect for other people.

So no, I don't allow my kids to hang over booths in the restaurant.  I don't allow them to touch other people with their nasty, soggy, half-eaten food.  I don't allow them to disturb total strangers who are in the middle of (attempting to) eat a family meal...I must be the most evil woman on the planet!  But hear this -- if you choose to let your kids do these types of things without speaking up to put a stop to it -- I WILL.

What was I thinking??

Sometimes I just wonder what the hell I was thinking.  Like the time that I let my mother-in-law give then 5 month old Adam a sip of her coffee (he was interested -- she wanted to see his reaction to the bitterness)...the kid liked it.  He's two and has a Starbucks addiction.  What the hell was I thinking?

Or the time that I left the box of chocolates on the counter, where my toddler could see them.  15 missing chocolates later and I"m dealing with a kid on a sugar high.  What the hell was I thinking?

But this -- this time -- I really want to know what the hell I was thinking!  I've been doing this course since September 4th, it's been a steady pace of 1 unit every week.  So....why did I think that I had until next week to finish my assignment??  I'd love to know that.

Last night, I leisurely read through all of the assigned reading and lazily glanced at the assessment, ticking off the answers that I knew and making mental notes to look up the ones that I wasn't positive of.  I thought about getting out of my warm, cozy bed to creep down to the computer and start on the assignment for the unit - but quickly changed my mind.  I updated my facebook status: "only two questions left, then I'm FREE for the rest of the week!"

This should have been a sign.  But of course, I didn't see it.

I woke up this morning and took one of those showers where you just stand there and let the hot spray of water splatter off your back -- not washing anything, just standing and enjoying the peaceful, quiet solitude of my child-free moments.  I got out, made myself a hot cup of coffee and thought about things I want to buy, places I want to go, people I should get in touch with.  Then, I decided to go to my computer and get a head start on this assignment.

But -- when I got to my PC, what did I see??  A little announcement from Outlook -- saying "1 event notification" -- "Event notification??"  I pondered, "What event??"  I click on it to see what it was -- I often fill my calender with silly nonsensical things that will bring joy and delight to the daycare kids announcing things like "Today is international doughnut day, who want's a doughnut?" or "Guess who's birthday it is today - Grover monster!!" and we all dance and laugh and celebrate.

There was no celebrating this day -- my stomach dropped when I read the event

"ELCC 321 - Unit 5.  Due before midnight, October 19, 2010"

Folks -- I cannot tell you the next few thoughts that went through my head.  They'd make my mechanic brother-in-law and his "street" buddies blush.  I'm sure you can guess some of them -- and if you can't, take this into consideration...I had to get lunches made, children up and dressed and sent to school, watch the other daycare children, prevent the toddlers from killing or maiming one another, do the laundry and prepare supper -- AND do the quiz, conversation postings and assignment for unit 5.

Yeah.

Thank God that I had mentally planned my assignment as I read through the 4 chapters of reading.  Thank God I knew exactly where to look for my research and thank God I already had a very strong opinion for my conversation posting....I was able to get it all done -- ALL of it...and before noon.  Thank God for that, too.

I still don't know what on earth possessed me to think that I had an entire week left to do it all...I've now got 1 week to tackle Unit 6.  Wish me luck.

Wanna know what it's like raising sort of twins??

It seems that I complain that I lost my muse -- all the while she was hiding over at my friend's blog -- ask and you shall find!  You need to read the blog post that she wrote before you finish reading this....

Unlike Magz, I don't have real twins.  I have my "sort of twins"  My own toddler and his 4 month to the day junior playmate who's been in my dayhome since he was 6 months.  They have grown up together, loving, fighting, biting....they are more than friends, and sort of twins.

My sort of twins are at a time of exploring how they are both the same, or how they differ.

Adam will want a toy that O's playing with.  O will say: "no."  Adam will say "O's grumpy." to which O replies "no I not!" Then it begins: 
Adam: "Yes, you grumpy!" 
O: "No I not!" (growling)
Adam: "Yes, O, you grumpy!" growling back
This time, O is angry and is gonna let us all know.  He's so mad that he's shaking when he screams, "NO I NOT!!!"
And Adam, not wanting to be bested, screams back, "YES, YOU GRUMPY! I SAID YOU GRUMPY, YOU GRUMPY!!"

It will only be stopped by me physically removing one child from the other.  And then they will quickly realize that they have hurt the other's feelings.  Then it's:  

Adam: "I bring O his blanky, okay mommy?"
O will say: "Tank you, Adam."
We will sit, the three of us cuddling together, me drowning in blankets and ignoring the squirms and elbows that poke me in the ribs.  Then, O will say: "....Adam Grumpy right, mommy Hedr?"

And it starts all over again!

Oh Inspiration - where are you?

In case you all haven't noticed...I've been quiet lately.  I've lost my muse...I don't know where she went, but she has (I hope) temporarily vanished.

Oh - I'm not saying that there aren't things for me to write about.  My kids are, as usual, driving me crazy, my chosen children are not far behind...but there's nothing that jumps out and screams "blog about this!!" Which is what usually happens to me.

There's issues at school -- oh man, could I ever write about school -- but I'm not going to.  Not because they wouldn't make great posts.  They really would.  I have a lot of animosity and anger and resentment that's piling up because of one student.  I'd like to write if off as the misunderstandings that can happen via the emotionless internet -- and me just interpreting things differently than she's intending...but I don't think that's the case.  In fact, I think she is a bully hiding behind the relative anonymity of the screen.  However, that is as much as I will say on the topic because A) I have more integrity than that, and B) it's not going to help to make this molehill a mountain, and C) I'm not going to give this person any more attention than they deserve.

I've often brought into discussion the things that I'm learning at school -- but folks, this course is so god awful boring that I just want to tear my heart out.  It's horrible.  I cannot begin to express how dreadfully boring this class is.  Watching paint dry would be more exciting.  I. Hate. This. Course.

The weather's been gorgeous, so I can't complain about that.  I've got my house in relative order, so I can't complain about that.  I created a meal plan so that my family wouldn't be stuck eating cereal with no milk or pasta with ketchup because there is no sauce....I have to do this because the dreadfully boring class takes me hours and hours and hours of research with nothing to prove for it - not even an essay or a research paper.  Just a link (or two) sent to the instructor to prove that I do have google abilities.

Life is normal right now.  I did not realize this -- but normal is incredibly boring.  I think I thrive on the excitement that is chaos.  Sure, I complain about it...but I really enjoy it.  I need to find me some chaos.  Anyone know where I get some??

Kashmir Dreams

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My son...the diva

So, I've been really worried about my middle guy.  He was withdrawn and not really paying attention in school; really, just not himself.

I went into the school to see if maybe he was getting picked on.  No body has noticed anything, but the teachers assured me that they'd be on alert.  I talked to my daughter, and even popped into his old kindergarten teacher to see if she had any insight.  Nothing.  Couldn't figure out what the deal was.

Then, I did the massive cleaning thing because of my freak out about the bed bugs.  I cleaned everything in my house -- including (obviously) his bed sheets.  Put the bed back together -- it has a reversible comforter, one side is navy, the other is a smokey blue.  I think it looks better navy side up.  Isaac walks in as I'm putting the sheets on the bed and says "please but the other side up, mom!"  and I said "sure, whatever"

His reply nearly knocked me off my feet.

"Oh thanks, mom!" he says "I was so worried you'd be sad that I didn't like the way you did it.  It keeps me awake at night because I can't fall asleep in an ugly bed, and then I'm so tired in the morning and can't concentrate at school."

What?!?  I'm worried that my kid's getting bullied or worse, and he's being all melodramatic about a blanket!!  Yikes!

At least he's out of his little slump.

Things I learned about me

So, I'm doing homework -- which means that my eyes are moving down the pages of this dreadful text but my mind is wandering...and a blog idea comes into my mind.  Why, you ask?  Because as I sit and research, I find myself doing the same things over and over again.  I don't think it's normal...in fact, I think it's more evidence of my OCD (by the way, I'm neither making fun of people with OCD nor am I making light of it.  I really think I may have a tendency towards this disorder, but there is no official diagnosis)

• When I sit at my desk, I always, and I mean always perch on one leg...usually the left...just folded under me.  I will stay in this position until there is no more feeling left in the leg.  I always complain of the pins and needles it causes.
• When I want to go to a new web-page, or even just click the back button...I feel the need to scroll to the top of the current page I'm on.  I don't know why.  This is the action that actually inspired this post.  I cannot stop this habit.  I feel wrong if I don't do it.
• I regularly ask hubby to make me a cup of tea to warm me up while I study (I study in my basement, usually at night, it gets chilly down here) - he does not know that I never drink this cup.  Sometimes I take a sip...maybe two but never more.  Don't know why I do this either...but somehow, it helps me.
• I complain about my homework a lot, but the truth is, I like the challenge I get from it.
• I am on facebook entirely too much for any sane person.  I even go onto facebook when I'm trying to do my homework, then get hopelessly distracted in it and loose a lot of time.  I've tied closing the window to it...but it never lasts for too long.

And, I 've finally come up with the inspiration that I needed for my assignment -- off to do homework.

what a week

So, this week has been interesting to say the least.  First I had my imagination get the better of me and convince me that I had bed bugs (plus side to this, my house has been cleaned from top to bottom --- there is not a dust bunny left here, let alone imaginary bed bugs!).

For those of you who don't follow me on facebook (and what's with that, huh?  Join us, we have fun there!) - you'll know that my kids have sent me to puke city and back.  My son came home from school, went straight to bed, and proceeded to barf all night.  Now -- if you've read the above paragraph, you'll note that I just finished cleaning my house (including all the linens) -- well, I had to do the boys' room all over again...because the little man got it too and they both managed to puke in the bed.  Nasty!

After the boys started feeling well enough to jump all over one another and snag granola bars from the pantry (they think I don't know that they do this...silly boys!) -- I got sick.  I got sick, sick, sick.  The kind of sick where you're hot and cold and sore and just want to curl up and die.  So...I suffered through that for a bit....only lasted the majority of the night, and I now feel right back to normal again.

This morning, I woke up, went to make coffee -- and realized that I was out of coffee!  If any of you heard that strange sound this morning, it was the tortuous screeching of my soul as it learned that we'd be functioning "sans caffeine" today.  Luckily - a daycare parent saw my status on facebook and brought me a nice fresh cup of Tims....mmmm....Tim Hortons.....yum.



Moose 1, Dino 0

 Then, I decided that since everyone is feeling better, we'd be going out to the Jurassic Forest that I've talked about before.  We get there (first ones!) and there's a crew set up with wheel barrows and electrical wires and other assorted tools.  They proceed to tell me that some of the dinos may not be working because a moose attacked them.  Yeah...you read that right.  A moose went on the rampage and attacked some of the dinos!  I would pay some good money to get some video of that incident.  There were only 2 dinos that weren't functioning, and 1 brontosaurus that had a tail being supported by a ladder type thing...the others were being worked on and the guys would turn them on for the kids as we passed.  The kids asked what they were doing, I told them they were cleaning up the dino poop so the forest wouldn't stink -- they thought that was great.  I'm not really sure what was going through the workers' minds as my daycare girl repeatedly said "Thanks for cleaning the stink!"

So -- that's my week in a nut shell -- how was yours?

I am losing my MIND!

Okay, there's the bed bug epidemic happening here in North America.  Stories about stores and theaters in New York being forced to close, stories from friends of friends....rumors at the school.

And then you itch.

I had a bump on my leg.  I scratched it -- and am convinced that I've got bed bugs.  I swear to God, I can feel them crawling on me at night. I cannot sleep.  I just feel their little buggy bodies crawling across my skin.

Sitting here now, in the middle of the day, I imagine them inside my clothes.  I itch, I scratch, I slowly go insane.

I want to call in a pest control expert.  Hubby refuses.  No one else in the house is going mental like me.  No one else thinks that they are here....yet I itch and I scratch.

I cannot get the thought out of my mind.  I am slowly losing my grip on reality!